another day..

i've been feeling quite upset today, i don't know why, maybe its part of my pms process or maybe its just that i haven't been doing much these 2 days and i feel like i'm simply wasting my life away. i mean its the holidays! i just wanna be out and not at home. its just that being stuck at home for those few months just makes me want to go out every single day, just to make up for the loss.

sometimes, i feel that my relationship with my boyfriend seems like some sort of forbidden love. because my parents are unaware of it, and sometimes i just wanna stop lying to them about who i'm going out with, because i feel really bad about it. at the same time, i don't know how to break the news to them that i'm dating someone. i mean my dad will probably freak out and disapprove, because he's the one who said i should only date when i stabilise after starting work (which also means when i'm 30+). i mean yes career is important, and according to my dad's logic, only when i've status and whatsoever will i be able to find better guys. but please, asking me to get married when i'm over 35? thats not possible. after all, i feel that my main goal in life is not to be a successful career woman, but someone who is a successful wife and mother. yes my main goal in life is to get married and have kids and be contented with that. and i'm someone who believes in long term relationships, even if it means dating someone for ten years before marriage. because getting to know a person well enough to devote your whole life to that someone really takes alot of time, and sorry but to me, a year or 2 is just not enough. sigh. well breaking the news to my mom and bro should be less of a challenge as compared to my dad. there are only 2 outcomes i guess, the first is that they meet my boyfriend, and they adore him and therefore allow me to continue my relationship with him, and the second is that they hate him, and forbid me to see him ever again. i really hope the outcome's the first one. because if its the latter, i really don't know what i'd do. suddenly, images from the korean dramatic dramas jsut came to my head. perhaps such scenarios really do happen in real life. well, lets just try to be optimistic.

i realised i'm quite a non-feminist woman. haha i mean i certainly don't believe that women can live without men. i mean men and women are very different creatures physically and otherwise. we are made differently to perform the different tasks and we just have to accept the fact that most men are made to do what they're best at, and women are made to do what we're best at. but, i do believe that we can do what men can do, but perhaps not as well as them. and i do believe that women should know their own rights, and not tolerate any form of discrimination or abuse by men.

okay, this is totally pms. i won't usually write such things. haha. right actually i kinda feel better now after sharing my worries. i'll just try to be optimistic about the future and hope for the best.